if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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