Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
