I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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