I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
