Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
