I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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