ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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