i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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