Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
