i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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