I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
In America we eat man semen.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
