My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
