you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
