Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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