question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Randomize
