it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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