i would one night stand the shit outta him
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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