We're facebook friends in real life
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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