i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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