That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
im six kinds of drunk right now
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
