i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
