I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
