Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
