was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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