so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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