handjob tips. give me some.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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