I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
