If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
