I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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