I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
