a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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