I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
