i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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