You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
