yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
