4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm sobbing to NWA
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
