Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
