If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
