dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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