I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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