mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
