her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dignity is for republicans.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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