i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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