I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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