Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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