she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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