come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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