he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
