in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
