Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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