if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
