I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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